I Hear Them Laughing

I live in a small space that is getting ever more suffocating as the books on the walls multiply. I decided to do an experiment. The biggest collection of books in my apartment is a three tier shelf that is about two feet deep, so each of the three rows can fit two levels of books. I stood before the shelf and closed my eyes. I saw a location on the shelf in my mind and reached with my eyes still closed for a book in that location. I pulled a hardcover of Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro. I probably started this book once or twice, but I can’t actually remember. It was probably bought at some thrift store or used bookstore when I was in a mid-level crisis mode. I was probably lost without any identity. I probably was feeling down on myself about my own pursuits in writing and the arduous task of getting someone to read that writing, that writing that I had worked over like a stoker, sweating from the heat of the coals I am throwing into the fire, burning ten years with of coals for edition 1 (200 pages) edition 2 (350 pages) edition 3 (550 pages). And I probably picked up this Kazuo Ishiguro book because I had always heard the name and thought I was supposed to read his work if I wanted to understand the world of literature I wanted to enter. 

Anyway, I wanted to pick up a random book and open to a random page and put my finger on a random phrase and see if the universe wanted to tell me something. I closed my eyes and flicked through the pages. After several seconds, I didn’t trust myself so I decided to stand up and go over to my futon. I threw the book into the air several times to try and get it to fall open on a page. This is not as easy as I thought and I threw the book several more times until it landed on its edge with some pages open. I picked one crease and closed my eyes. I again let my mind see where it wanted my finger. 

I learned a few things:

1. The book was upside down.
2. That the universe wants to me know that I am either
   1. Good
   2. Proverbial
3. If you go to thesaurus.com and type in the word moral, the secondary definition being LESSON, PROVERB one of the words that is given as a synonym for MORAL in the vein of LESSON, PROVERB is the word GNOME. 

So, I could either take this as the universe telling me I’m a good person: Great!

I could also take it as the universe telling me that my life and experiences are meant to be a guiding story for people: I guess that’s fine. 

Or, the fact that the words were upside down meant that it was the opposite meaning and that I am a terrible person. 

Or, even more, that the words are mirrored and I am being told to be the opposite of what I see myself as. Or that I see myself as the opposite of what everyone else sees. 

Because I am a scholar, I could also speculate that the upside down english letters were to be read as all new words. 

• Leiow Ow
• Ieiow Ow
• Jeiow Ow

If you can guess where my mind goes to all of these? Can you?

***ow Ow

I have been feeling a lot of ow Ow lately.